Today's post is dedicated to my friend who has just discovered the word 'Indeed.' He has deemed it quite British and uses it in conversation whenever he can. You can't know everything and you can't get hung up on the things that you don't know. The best thing about new information is that you can use it and make it yours. Indeed!
I am hoping he adopts indubitably next.
Last night I had a really great dinner with friends. We stuffed ourselves at Turkey Central one last time. Now I am just feeling wistful and contemplative. For the first time since I moved here it rained.
I consider this whole experience not unlike the challenge of college. This might explain why random snippets of poetry are wandering through my mind. It may be cliche to quote T.S. Eliot, his work is often cited and often misquoted. For me the morose work The Hollow Men is both overwrought with angst and strangely passive.
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
I enjoy both the intensity and the accuracy of this poem. It's overly dramatic to say that my has life broken apart. The reality of the feeling is the same, though its not entirely accurate. Nearly every aspect of my daily life is about change. I had made silly plans to stay in a very fancy hotel the night before I finally left Doha. This was of course decided when I had a job and a paycheck. Now facing the prospect of unemployment, my tight wad personality Frugal MacDougal, would prefer I save what I have earned. Is it all really so bad? I am going home. I am going to see my loved ones. I still have my car and my computer. Again Eliot's meaning resonates with me.
‘We sometimes feel, in following the words and behavior of some of the characters of Dostoevsky, that they are living at once on the plane we know and on some other place of reality from which we are shut out.’ - John Marston.’ Selected Essays T. S. Eliot (1934)I have begun to undo what I did to move to Qatar. I currently do not feel connected to either place. When I leave tomorrow I wonder if it will like none of this ever happened, as if the undoing is also an unmaking of the past three months?
This might be why I can sit all day and sleep just fine. My mind is tired.