Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Somebody That I Used to Know

Life is confusing.
Howdy

Not much news to report.  I do not know when I will be leaving.   I was told it could be 7-10 days. I don't what day they started counting from, so it is not the most helpful information.  Until then I have sold my car who I loved, and lost in one short week. That means I am back to bumming rides places. I applied for a job.  Took a long walk and I'm listening to Eleanor and Park on audio.  

I keep having these painful reminders that my work was not representative of the country.  That my friends were the good part, the best part of this whole experience. I haven't even left yet and I miss them already.  I have given people instructions to nudge me if I start looking too sad.  I do want to enjoy my last few days (which sounds terribly morbid) and I want to remember them happy and fun. Thank goodness for my friends who are making efforts to drag me out of my funk and in some cases just out of my apartment. 

You may have noticed my blog looks a little different.  I feel like changing a lot of things.  Maybe because a lot of things are changing that I am not in control of.  I feel that if i change some things it won't feel quite so much like everything is sort of spinning chaotically. At least it is more productive than the moments where I just find myself standing in the middle of the living room feeling lost because I don't know how I got to the living room or even why I am there. 

In the mean time I am packing, cleaning and polishing my resume. I plan to keep blogging.  I'd also like to get back to writing for the YALSA  blog The Hub.  Maybe I can review for VOYA again too.  I have a lot of ifs, ands and butts right now.  I know what you are thinking "Laura, you only have one butt." It's true though, much like algebra, my if filled with unknowns. 

If you want to know how I feel, its two things really.  You know how when you stand in the sand as the tide moves out and it feels like the water is pulling you in as the land falls away at the same time?  Ya like that.  

I also feel like I want flan. 

I am a conundrum. No lie. 

Laura


6 comments:

  1. I can help with flan. It's too cold for the ocean.

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  2. As someone who made a big move (albeit nowhere near as far as you did) and came back soon after, it doesn't seem like it now, but you'll look back on the decision to go and the decision to return as the best choices you've ever made. I lost a lot of money on my decision to move to California back when I was much younger, but it made me realize how much my family loved and supported me. It also helped me realize what I THOUGHT I wanted and what I REALLY were two different things. You've had an adventure while you learned more about yourself. That's quite a gift. Besides, Hubble misses you.

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    1. Thank you, this really helps me. It is hard not to be discouraged. I feel like I had a car accident that I didn't cause. I am sitting by the road in my life wondering what on earth happened. It's just that now I feel selfish for ever having left.

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  3. Your friends stateside are looking forward to your return.

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    Replies
    1. I know I am glad to have such open arms to return to.

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